Life Cereal
by yukiislikesnow
Summary: There’s this kid that rides my bus, and I see him from time to time. I never really noticed him until about a week ago. ...this guy, he looked so frail... AU NaruSasu
1. That Kid

Title: Life Cereal

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto; if I did it would be considered porn w/ plot.

Okay everyone, this'll be my first non-one-shot Naruto fic. I've done longer fics before but none for the ever-loveable ninja series.

I just want you guys to know that this chapter is written from Naruto's POV so obviously the vocabulary isn't the best, nor the sentence structure but I wanted it to be true to our lil' knuckle-head. This idea came to me because I'm always reading fics where Sasuke is the calm collected one and Naruto's the one in trouble, well I DARE TO BE DIFFERENT!!! Ahem anyways reviews are appreciated and flames will be laughed at then used to roast my marshmallows.

Naruto's POV 

There's this kid that rides my bus, and I see him from time to time. I never really noticed him until about a week ago. I was sitting in detention, nothing unusual, when he came in. If I hadn't stretched out I never would've noticed him. Just as I leant backwards he slid through the door and into the first desk he saw. It was right next to the door, which is the worst seat. Sitting there means every delinquent, bully, and bastard is going to come right by you and vent some anger. I sat there once, ONCE, and I will never no matter what sit there again.

Now I'm a pretty nice guy and all but usually I wouldn't go through the trouble to defend someone stupid enough to sit there; interfering means trouble for me ya know. But this guy, he looked so frail I felt obligated to help him. So I crumpled up some paper and threw it at his head, which was in his arms at the time. Bad move, not five seconds after it bounced off his head he retaliated with his math book. And of course, it made a big smacking sound and everyone looked at me and I felt embarrassed. So I decided to just leave him there, and I was going to, if I hadn't noticed the tears. I stopped to take a good look at him and I could see it. His shoulders were shaking just slightly and his eyes were wetter than they should've been, he was even clenching and unclenching his hands on his arms.

I couldn't just leave him there, even if he had acted like a bastard it was probably because he was upset. When I pass him on the bus he's always alone, no one will sit with him. And he always looks like one good wind will knock him over. Thinking about it, I do remember seeing him change during gym once. He always manages to disappear when everyone's shedding clothes but I caught a glimpse of him. He was skinny, too skinny, and maybe I'm just over thinking it now but I think I saw some bruises and stuff like that on him.

Anyways, back to our detention, I walked up and sat in the desk next to his. "Hey, you do know that sitting here is like gluing a 'kick me hard' sign to your back right?" No response. "I sat there before and I got screwed over, anyone who sits there gets it bad. Come on, sit with me. I'm a regular so you shouldn't be bothered if-" He stood up, eyes locked on his knock-off converse and sat in the desk next to where my stuff was. He put his head back down and stayed that way all through detention.

Now seeing as how I ride a bus home after school detention should be avoided at all costs. But if I just can't help myself, like today's food fight, or last weeks 'lets dye Ino's hair', or last months mustard in tuba incident, I can get a ride with Iruka. He's a history teacher here and I've known him since I was a little kid. He use to work at my orphanage until he got a job at KHS (1). Getting a ride home with Iruka's fun so I was about to book it in the opposite direction when I heard a locker close, that kid's locker. He didn't have another way home, and I felt bad because he just looked so defeated. "Hey kid, if you want a ride home I've got connections."

"No thanks." I felt like throwing something else at him! Here I was trying to help him out, for the second time mind you, and he has to say 'no thanks' in a condescending defensive tone. Well excuse me for trying to be a good citizen. It was freezing outside; school had just started after all, and just had on a thin long-sleeve and ratty demins. After that little episode though we parted ways for a bit. I went to Iruka's office and begged for a ride. In the end, like always, he caved with a sigh and gathered up his papers. The two of us made it out to the parking lot, into Iruka's mini-van and to the gate before I remembered about that kid from detention. I remembered because just when we were about to turn he fell into a puddle right in front of the car.

Iruka skidded to a halt and jumped out of the van quicker than I'd ever seen before. I was right behind him. When Iruka tried to help him up the boy yanked his arm away and tried his hardest to run away. I only saw his face for a minute but he looked scared, and not like roller-coaster scared, it was more like 'oh shit, they're gonna beat me to death' scared. I probably should've let him get away but Iruka started yelling 'Sasuke, Sasuke wait.' And my feet suddenly started moving; I caught up with him in no time. It turns out he scrapped up his knee in the fall. My arms wrapped around him from behind and he started jerking and flailing around to get away.

"Let me go! Let me go! OFF ME! LET go…just let me go…please." He started out screaming, then screaming louder, then…it all just trailed off and if my face weren't pressed right against his I wouldn't have heard that whispered please. He stopped struggling and sank to his knees, dragging me with him; that was around the time Iruka made it over to us. He got on his knees too and tried to brush aside Sasuke's bangs. Instead he whimpered and turned his head away, he was crying. We all stayed still for a few minutes, only Sasuke was moving, his shoulders were shaking, and then Iruka helped us to our feet and made Sasuke take a ride with us.

Right now I'm in bed at the orphanage, my roommate Gaara's just staring out into nothing while drumming his painted nails against his leg. He'd been quiet the whole ride. He didn't look out the window to keep himself occupied or fidget with his book bag, he just sat there, back completely straight, eyes down, completely quiet. Gaara does that sometimes too. Only he does it because it was conditioned into him. Before he got shipped out here he lived with his dad. He has two other siblings but they were lucky enough to live with their mom. Gaara says he learned that 'obedience' position from his dad, whenever Mr. Sabaku demanded it Gaara would sit that way and wait for punishment, however cruel and painful it would be, he would have to just sit still and wait for the blows to come. I just hope that Sasuke sat that way because of a fluke and those bruises I thought I saw weren't there.

I can tell Gaara's agitated with me, I have no idea why though. I'm being all quiet and thinking about Sasuke, usually I'm so hyper I'm practically radioactive and Gaara yells at me to calm down, honestly there's no pleasing this guy. "Uzumaki." Short, creepy, and to the point, that's my roomy for ya.

"You called?" I've got my usual cheeky grin in place but it's not real, and we both know it. He sat up and faced me, still on his bed. Then he started leaning forward, since I was sitting on the floor he was able to get his face pretty close to mine. You see, Gaara understands personal space is valued when it's his own, otherwise he knows no boundaries and just keeps coming until you fidget and he feels in control.

"Something's off." Heh, no kidding. I'm practically ripping my hair out over some kid I recognize from the bus. Wait, the bus, Gaara rides the bus, maybe he knows Sasuke.

"Yeah I know. Hey do you know a kid named Sasuke. He rides our bus, kinda skinny, duck-butt haircut, pale, skittish maybe. He's what's bothering me." Gaara blinked, and it wasn't a thoughtful blink or a surprised blink, just a blink.

"Uchiha, I know of him. He's in my math and history classes. Strange boy."

"Strange boy, come on Gaara, take a look in the mirror lately."

"Yes." I think that was an attempt at humor but I'm not sure, he may not have noticed the insult. It's better that way though; I'd rather not spend the rest of my evening with a limp. "Has Uchiha done something to you?"

"Nah, he just…I dunno I feel worried about him. I've noticed some bruises and he's way too skinny and today in detention he was crying, and he cried again later. In the car he was doing that 'obedience' thing you do sometimes. You have classes with him, what do you think?" Gaara lay back on his bed again before answering me.

"He's quiet, intelligent, frail but stronger than he looks. Neji with a cold perhaps, if you erase all that tripe about fate." Okay so Gaara thinks he's like Neji a little. Neji's on the student council…I think he's a president but I'm not sure, I don't really care much for politics, no matter where they are. Well if that's his personality I wonder what his life's like. I doubt him and Gaara chat about junk like that. Seems to me like the two of them would 'hn' at each other and go about their business rather than gossip.

"Know anything about his home life?" He took a deep breath, which means I'm annoying him I think.

"He seems to have an abnormal amount of bruises that he's rather good at hiding. He's reclusive already but when a discussion turns to home life he tends to make himself invisible. Is that any indication?" Big words…but I still get what he's saying. Sasuke's probably beaten and/or neglected at home. Isn't that just wonderful?

"Thanks Gaara."

"Hn."

It's short isn't it? Sorry about that, it's just that I wanted the chapter to end neatly, not with a bunch of POV and scene changes ya know.

Okay the title is "Life Cereal" Well I chose this because (well yes I do love Life the cereal but that's not it) you know how when you pour out cereal all the pieces that look perfect on the box are all wrong in your bowl? And how there are all kinds of brands and flavors of it? And there's other little metaphors/similes I'll get in later but that's the gist of it.

KHS: Konoha High School, bet you didn't see that one coming. Heh.

Next chapter: Sasuke's POV, be prepared, be very prepared…sorry, it's really early here.

This chapter was brought to you by hot chocolate mixed with non-dairy creamer, hope you enjoyed it. I'll update as soon as possible so please bare with me m'kay.


	2. Perils of the Past

Title: Life Cereal

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…go ahead, rub it in.

Chapter two ya'll hope you like it. I do realize I sound stupid up here in these AN but I'm really not that dumb, I just don't care Well This chapter's in Sasuke's POV, I really like writing from the perspective of the more distorted (mentally that is) characters. Gaara and Kakashi are fun too; I'm not so much on fate but Neji's one of my favs as well. Please enjoy the chapter m'kay.

Sasuke's POV 

Uzumaki, he's going to ruin everything. I've spent every waking moment since I was able to understand my situation planning a course of action. I took away my own free will to protect myself from stupid people and their stupid ideas. I can't be helped, I don't want to be helped.

"Here, let me help you."

"No." Iruka-Sensei sighed and attempted to clean my wounds again. "I said-"

"I think he heard you, unfortunately 'Ruka tends to go ignore protest from injured teens…or an injured anyone for that matter." And my day just keeps getting better, Kakashi Hatake, he's my guidance councilor. He never councils me either, instead we sit and play cards for an hour or so. He's defiantly a peculiar man. When we first met I asked him why he wore a mask, instead of answering he asked me why I hid my arms. I never mentioned his mask again.

"Hn." Sensei continued to treat me against my will. I don't have enough energy to keep fighting him anyways. I haven't eaten in three days and I'm just hoping that my stomach doesn't present my hunger, if he's this panicked over a skinned knee I'd rather not know what he'd do if he thought I was being starved. But I can't hold back, my stomach gurgles, it wasn't loud and Iruka had already stood up, maybe he hadn't heard. Please, please let it go unnoticed. My prayers weren't answered, they never are, and I'm not sure why I bother.

"Sasuke, when was the last time you-"

"Lunch." My eyes are downcast but I know they're both staring at me in disbelief. Iruka walks away, into the kitchen most likely, but I know Kakashi hasn't moved. Don't Kakashi, not now; don't pick now to do your job right.

"Lunch Sasuke?" Yes, lunch, lunch three days ago but it was still at lunch. I've learned to lie without actually lying. It's something I pride myself on actually, it keeps the pain to a minimum and sometimes a little non-truth is the difference between sleeping on a blanket and sleeping on the garage floor. "When lunch?" When lunch, is that even correct grammar? He knows how I lie, turns out he did it when he was a kid too. I don't want to look at him, if I look at him, if I look at Iruka when they have those eyes…I'm too tired to fight it, fight them, fight **him**. Tears are building up but I can't let them fall, twice in one day was bad enough, I can't do it again. Okay Sasuke, breathe, breathe in and out and think of a good lie.

"I've gone without for longer." And that's no lie. I've gone a week with no food before, two even; but that was during summer break, I didn't have to move around much during that time. He sighs, he's angry with me but I know if I look up he'll have a smile put up under his mask.

"Sasuke…do I need to call CDC?" (1)

"No! No, I…if you call…I may never…never…no, I don't like it, I don't like him, I-I, you…p-please…help…" It's broken, but maybe I can fix it, my mask. Before I can think straight again tears are falling. Iruka's out of the kitchen, he probably heard me yell; and now Kakashi is hugging me. I struggle and beat my fists weakly against his chest but it does nothing to stop him, he holds tighter instead.

I want to leave him, Orochimaru; every day I go home to him is like accepting another day of purgatory. But I can't just leave him, if I get taken away I may have to leave Konoha and I can't let that happen. Konoha is my home, it's where my old home is, where my memories are, where my parents are. As much as it hurts to stay I think I might actually break if I leave, at least here, with the pain, I feel alive. I may feel miserable, depressed, hated, and unwanted but at least I'm not numb; more than anything I'm afraid of being numb to it all.

"Shhh Sasuke, it's alright, you're safe, I've got you." Kakashi began to rock us slowly and I vaguely felt Iruka's hand in my hair. I remember my mother and Itachi doing this for me after nightmares; it makes the tears fall faster and harder. I've buried my face as far into Kakashi's chest as possible and still it isn't enough. I hear his heartbeat and I can smell his soap but still it isn't enough, I haven't been held like this in so long. I need to know that everything's going to be okay, that he won't just let me go. "It's okay Sasuke."

"Little bird." Kakashi faltered for a moment before continuing with his rocking. Even I am amazed I've asked.

"Alright, it's alright little bird. I've got you." I smile despite my predicament at the name. Little bird, Mama always called me her little bird. Iruka's hugging me too now, from behind, and things are a bit awkward but I'm not ready to let go. I'm glad, I'm so glad that I'm here. I may be hungry, in pain, and short of breath but I'm being held and that makes this moment okay. Tomorrow may be hell worse than before but for now I'm just going to let my mask fall, I can always pick it up later.

After a while I stopped crying, but only because I was asleep, and then it was sobbing. I'm guessing they carried me into a spare bedroom because that's where I am now. I sit up and draw my knees close to my chin; I feel so ashamed. It was worth the comfort but now they may not let me leave. Kakashi's gotten too attached. I didn't notice we were growing so close, it happened so gradually that his feelings slipped pass my defenses. I laugh bitterly for a moment because I know Kakashi is like a father to me now, however liberal he may be, a father figure nonetheless.

I hear the doorknob turn and tense up on reflex. Iruka comes in, balancing a large tray. I don't stare at it, that'll just make my hunger increase tenfold, but I catch the smell of porridge and hotcakes. "You didn't get to eat last night so I made you a good breakfast." I nod and straighten my legs out as he comes closer, my eyes locked firmly on my lap. The tray comes into view as he sets it down; he moves away but he's still in the room. Hesitantly I pick up the spoon and pour a small bit of porridge in my mouth. It tastes wonderful but it seems to have the texture of glue and oats. I know that's not right, that it's just the way it should be but I can't help but think something has to go wrong. Right now I'm so hungry I want nothing more than to shovel everything into my mouth and stomach as quickly as possible but I can't. Orochimaru has done this before; he's made a big meal and sat it in front of me only to snatch it away as I take a bite. Subconsciously I know Iruka would never do that but I can't help myself from thinking this way. "Not hungry Sasuke?"

"I-" I look up, afraid that he may actually take the food away then kick me out of his house. "No, I-I'm hungry I just-"

"It's alright, I'm going in the next room to watch the news. I'll be back later. Eat as much as you can, I mean that, stuff yourself silly okay." He smiles warmly and I find myself looking away; my mother smiled like. He leaves and after a moment of stillness I pick up the spoon again. Within the next half hour everything on the tray has been devoured. There were even raspberries on the side. Iruka hadn't come back yet and I wasn't really sure what to do with myself. Should I get up to tell him I'm done, or stay put and wait, or does he want me to put this in the sink? Orochimaru always has me put the dishes in the sink; first dump the leftovers, no matter how badly I want them, then put the dishes in the sink, wash, then lay on the kitchen floor until he comes for me. Iruka doesn't know that, he doesn't want me to do that; I'm not at home I'm-

"Safe."

"Huh?" Kakashi was leaning against the door; he'd snuck in during my musings. He smiled slyly and walked closer, I flinched slightly, again on reflex.

"Iruka wanted me to do laundry but I told him I had to check on you. So I'm safe, I hate laundry. Too many knobs and liquids to keep track off." I could tell by his tone he was smiling under his mask. I idly wonder if that article of clothing ever makes it to the wash. He takes notice of the empty tray and moves it before sitting on the bed. Once more I draw my legs up and hide my face. "He's a good cook isn't he? I'm not half bad myself but I prefer to avoid it if at all possible." I nod, into my knees, to show that I'm listening. All is quiet for a few minutes until Kakashi sighs. "I know why Sasuke. I understand, when I was young I…well lets go back a bit. I'll explain a little about my past and in return you have to consider letting me take you from Orochimaru." I nod relax my arms a bit.

"My father was a doctor and my mother was a waitress. Doctors are always on call so naturally he wasn't home as often as I would've liked. But despite that things were good, life was good. But eventually father lost his touch. I'm still not entirely sure what it was, drugs, disease, age, I'm not sure but he was letting more lives slip away. And finally he made a big mistake in the OR and a young pregnant woman died because of his careless mistake. After that dad was a marked man, associates treated him different, patients were hesitant, and he cared less and less for his work and us. Until finally I came home from school to see his body hanging off the banister. My mother and I moved away, to a dilapidated old apartment building on the top floor. After father died money was harder to come by and things were difficult. I knew something was wrong that night. Mother made sushi for dinner; she hadn't made sushi since father had died. And it wasn't just that, it was **how** she cooked, and **how** she sat through dinner that made me wary. That night mom crawled into bed with me and hugged me; it woke me up of course. Then she said goodnight. She never said that, it was always 'see you in the morning' or 'sleep tight 'Kashi'. She died shortly after, still holding me, she'd swallowed poison." I shift slightly, because unease has swept over me, his life…I don't want people to be so open. He breathes deeply and I know he's not done.

"A teacher saved me as well. For a good two and half or three days I didn't move from my room. I sat across from my bed on the floor watching my mothers' dead body. To this day I don't understand why I didn't call the police, or cry, or run, I just didn't. Then my homeroom teacher came through the front door. He walked into my bedroom, looked around, and then held me so tight I thought my spine might crack. That's when I cried. And after I cried I wanted help. Do you Sasuke, do want our help. I promise you that if I call CDC I'll demand you stay with us. I have connections there and it won't be a problem."

He closed his eyes and I closed mine. Beyond the room I could hear the dull droning of the TV and a washing machine running, a car roaring to life outside and kids running to dodge it. I haven't heard noises like those in a long time. I like it. I like it here. I want help, I want a home. I practically dive across the bed onto Kakashi and cling to him. "Help me."

Hm, does this chapter seem shorter? I think it's longer but I wrote it out faster…

CDC: I'm not sure exactly what it stands for but it's Child something. You see my parents are adopting my little sister and the social workers and guardian enlidum and case managers all work for the CDC so yea…

Well I'm sorry it switched to a Kakashi dialogue near the end but it couldn't be helped. I just love writing from Sasuke's POV, it's structured and unstable at the same time.

This chapter was brought to you by Hawaiian rolls and hot tea Such a yummy snack. R&R and all that jazz.


	3. That's Good

Title: Life Cereal

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto do you think I'd be sitting in my room reading fanfiction?

(And I also do not own "Shalalalala" by the Venga Boys)

Hello guys, this is chapter 3. Cool huh? Well if no one's reading this I guess it isn't but I like writing this one so neah sticks tongue out Hey just a thought, does anyone else think Orochimaru is/has molested Sasuke at some point during the series? He just screams pedophile to me. But back to the fic, I'm going back to Naruto POV, not that I'm going to go back and forth between only those two or anything, it just needs to be done until the story starts rolling. It will be yaoi Naru/Sasu but good things come to those who wait, ne?

BIG IMPORTANT NOTE: It's not CDC, it's DCF. I always get those two mixed up. Not sure why. Sorry about that.

Naruto's POV 

There's a boy in my mind and he knows that I'm thinking of him. On my way to the day and the night the stars shine above me. He's been gone for some time but I know I truly love him. Something, something, something, Shalalalala, Shalalalala just for you. Heh, Venga Boys. Iruka likes that band, they're form the 80's or something, suddenly that song just hit me. I can never get all the words right. Sasuke seems like someone who has no trouble memorizing crap. Hm, Sasuke…I wonder if he's still with Iruka-Sensei and the perv. I should go see him. I want to go see him…hm…I wonder…

"Gaara!"

"No."

"I was- Hey! I didn't even ask anything yet!" Gaara grunted and continued doodling in his notebook. I huffed and dramatically threw myself back against the bed again. He didn't even flinch. "But I-"

"No."

"Gaara! I wanna go see Sasuke. Come with me, please, please come with me." I pouted and gave my best 'wounded kitten' look. His pencil was grinding harder against the paper and I knew I was getting to him. Just a bit more whining and he'd cave just so I'd shut up…that, or he'll literally throw me out of the room. I hope he doesn't get violent. I jut my lower lip out and blink a few times, slowly leaning forward. "Pwease. Pretty pwease, for me?" Normally I'd go alone but I have this feeling that I'll get depressed hearing about Sasuke's life. It's always good to have friends near by if you think your gonna be down.

"Uzumaki, have you ever thought of the possibility that Uchiha wants to be left alone?"

"Nope."

"Perhaps you should." I make an unhappy noise and move closer to his side, which I then poke. He hates when I do this, it's like his only weakness or something. La, la, la I'll just keep poking him until he gives in. This is the greatest plan ever! He spins himself around quickly in the chair and glares at me. Well maybe not the 'greatest' plan ever…"Cease and desist Uzumaki."

"Uh…nope, not until you agree to come with me." He sighs angrily and shoves me on my ass but that's okay, I've won. I get up just as he storms out the door and I hurry to catch up. "Genma! Genma, me and Gaara are goin' out!" Genma's one of the caretakers here. The other is Radiou. They're both pretty decent guys; Genma's who you go to if you want something unreasonable, like permission for a tattoo, and Radiou's who you go to if you want some cookies. It's almost like Iruka and Kakashi's relationship. I hear a mumbled 'okay' and we're off. It shouldn't take that long to get to his house, which is a relief. I can't wait to see if he's okay.

It took us a grand total of fifteen minutes to get to Iruka-Sensei's house. I didn't even knock before barging in and I think Gaara yelled at me for it. He sure doesn't look it, but Gaara's got some killer manners. "Iruka-Sensei! Pervert! Hello Where are you?"

"Shut up Uzumaki, or at least keep your voice at a reasonable level. Mr. Umino, hello." Iruka turned a corner cautiously and smiled.

"Hello, Naruto, Gaara. Here about Sasuke?" I nod and my hand flies to the back of my head.

"Yeah, so…he's still here right? He didn't escape or anything…" Iruka was quiet and I started to panic. "Right? He didn't like sneak out the windo-"

"No, no, nothing like that. He's in the spare room. It never occurred to me that Sasuke would try to escape but now that you mention it…" Oh man, he's doing that thing again. Man, one bad thing about Iruka-Sensei, he has this annoying habit of n-nostalgia…is that the word? Hm…maybe I should pay attention more in Language Arts. Well he starts daydreaming about different scenarios. It's weird. One minute he's talking to you then the next he's wondering if he left the coffee pot on and if the coffee's cold yet.

"Uzumaki, Sasuke."

"Hm, oh, Sasuke, right." The spare room is in the back of the house all the way on the right…or the left. It's a fifty-fifty chance right…But one of those rooms is Kakashi and Iruka's. Oh man, I do NOT want to open a door and see random sex things lying around. Kakashi is such a perv. How Iruka-Sensei puts up with him is beyond me.

So here I am, standing at the back of the house, between two doors, with no idea what to do. Theoretically if I open the wrong door I can always close it quickly and go with door number two. And who's to say they did anything weird last night. I mean, Sasuke was here…but then again stuff could be left out from a couple days ago…And what if Sasuke's getting dressed or something. Oh man, I just wanted to be nice and visit and say hi. Why me?! Why is life filled with such difficult decisions? Why! Why am I being so dramatic…hm…maybe I do need Riddelin. Okay, deep breath, knock. Heh, easy solution, I knew I had it in me.

-Knock, knock-

I heard a muffled 'come in' and applauded myself on a job well done. Yay for knocking. I open the door and I'm shocked. "Sasuke…" He looks so…cute. He's looking toward the window but the shades are drawn. It's this think milky-blue material and it always makes sunlight look like moonlight. His skin has a faint blue outline to it, and his hair is a really dark blue, but I think that's natural. He's cheeks are a little red, and his eyes a little shiny. Because of crying I bet. He's so pale, he's always pale but that light.

"Not polite to stare Naruto-kun." Huh? Oh, Kakashi's here. He's sitting against the bed on the floor. And as always, porn is present. Ya know, I am convinced that, that book isn't all porn. I bet one day I'll pick it up and there'll be some fluffy romance novel in it and the "Icha Icha" cover was just glued onto it so he could keep up his macho exterior.

"Not polite to read porn in front of minors." He's smiling, I know it. But back to Sasuke. "Hi Sasuke."

"Hn." Hn, what a vocabulary.

"Yeah," I scratch the back of my head and step further into the room, "well I came by because I was worried. You're okay right? I mean nothing serious, just a skinned knee right?"

"Hn." I clear my throat and smile as big as I can. But damn, is he getting on my nerves.

"You sticking around or…" I couldn't finish asking. I have no idea what his home life is like, but it must be pretty bad right? It's all really quiet and I'm suddenly aware of the washing machine dinging, Gaara accepting tea from Iruka, and how pages of porn just stopped flipping.

"Yeah." Good, that's good.

Sorry once more for shortness but it just seemed like a good place to drop off the chapter. I know everything seemed a bit random but come on, do you really expect Naruto to be structured? XD I was hoping to write like he thinks, I think I did alright.

Well the next chapter will probably have mixed POV's so that's something to look forward to I'm sure. Oh yes, and now for the trademark silliness.

This chapter was brought to you by Strawberry Pocky and a French Vanilla Cappuccino.


	4. Broken

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…crawls into a hole and cries

w00t! Chapter four everyone. I'm glad I'm getting such wonderful responses. I really love those. This is my first Naruto fic that isn't a one-shot so I was a bit worried about positive feedback. Well in this one I'm going to try and get different POV's in. And I do write scene change things in but they don't show up after I upload it so I'm taking a different approach. So no more jarring changes ota. Enjoy.

NSNSNSNSNSNSNSNS

--SASUKE POV--

Why does it feel so hard to breathe? Is it this light? This light; that has to be it. The way it's spilling into the room is…is unfair. It's clinging to everything and leaves me nothing to cover myself with. Why can't Iruka have normal curtains? Sunlight is harsh, it shows everything it touches without the slightest bit of consideration; but this light, this moonlight knock-off is smoothing things over.

I can feel his eyes on me. Why does he have to look me with /those/ eyes in /this/ light. He sees me as something right now that I'm not, that I can /never/ be. He sees something beautiful, if his eyes are anything to go by, and…and it's not fair. I can tell that this kid, this Naruto, has never had to worry about the harshness of moonlight. He spends all his time in the sun, in the truth; where normal people bask. I've been stuck in this perpetual night of lies and pain, and soft glimmers of things I know I'll never obtain, and it's casting the illusion of something I'm not. I'm NOT worth being saved. I'm NOT hopeful. I am NOT beautiful.

Tomorrow I will rip down those curtains.

--NARUTO POV—

I'm staring. I know I'm staring…should I look away? I mean isn't it impolite to just focus in on someone for no reason? Hm…he's so hard to look away from. Kakashi-pervert is trying to tell me something but I don't wanna listen. It can't be more important than cataloging free masturbation material (i.e. Sasuke in pale lighting). I stand there for a few more seconds and then a minute passes then I have that weird feeling. Like the feeling I get when I'm daydreaming in class and the teacher's asked me a question and he/she is still waiting for an answer.

I blink a few times, and yup, Kakashi and Sasuke are looking at me like I've got permanent marker all over my face. "Huh?" Kakashi sighed and Sasuke looked out the window.

"I asked if you were staying for lunch." Lunch sounds good, and it's not like me at all to turn down free food, especially Iruka-Sensei's food…but Sasuke. He's not looking at me but I can tell he's listening intently to hear my answer. I wonder what he wants.

"Well I guess I co-" Sasuke's pulling his knees up to his chest and I'm pretty sure he's scratching up his arm too, "On second thought Pervert, I should get back with Gaara. I mean he didn't want to come anyways and he'll feel like he's intruding so…" Sasuke's relaxing, am I really that repulsive? Or is he worried I'll want to talk about what I saw? Gaara was like that before. Whenever I saw him lose control of himself he'd have little 'panic fit' (that's what Radiou called them) and I'd have to disappear for a while. I'll ignore Kakashi and Iruka's questions for now, in favor of getting Sasuke's…favor. Heh, I used the same word twice in one sentence…I really should look into Riddelin.

"Bye Pervert, see ya Sasuke." I turned to leave and I heard someone sigh. I refuse to look back though. I don't want to make Sasuke more uncomfortable than I already have. Gaara and me leave quickly and head back to the orphanage. I guess I'll have to find some other time to talk with Sasuke Uchiha.

--SASUKE POV—

"Well Sasuke…I'm off. Places to be, people to lock up." He's attempting to lighten the situation I think. I wish he would just leave. He's done too much, crossed to many lines. His life is none of my business; his home isn't something I should invade. Pain…that's better. My nails are grating into my old cuts, some haven't healed yet; the blood, I can smell it.

Breathe Sasuke, breathe. My chest…it feels like something is pressing tight against it. Scratch harder, more blood, that's better. That's better. It hurts so much…and…and its not a good hurt. Why isn't it working? My arms are supposed to bring me salvation. Why? Why doesn't it make me feel better? Is it my chest? Is this pressure keeping me from my euphoria? That's not fair.

I'm panicking now. My breathing is harsh and I can feel cool beads of sweat sliding down my face, they're mixing with something else; tears? No, I can't be crying, not again. What if Kakashi doesn't come through? If he can't…if Orochimaru goes free I won't be safe. Crying…crying makes you weak, makes you pathetic. He likes it when I cry.

Someone's touching me. "LET GO! Let go, let go! I'll…I'll be good, I'll be good. I promise I will…no more…no more Orochimaru…I don't…I'll be good." I sound so pathetic. I didn't even have the strength to keep my voice up. I'm whimpering and whispering…breathe Sasuke. Orochimaru's not touching me…he can't be. I look up, it's Iruka. Oh no, not Iruka, he'll panic. Someone has to be stable; I need, oh god I need someone to hold me up. I can't stand on my own anymore.

I'm broken.

- - Iruka POV - -

He thought I was…Poor Sasuke. I don't know what to do. I have no experience with this sort of thing. He's having a panic attack. He's hallucinating, something must be wrong with him. But I don't want to move him. Isn't it best in these situations to leave people in a familiar surrounding?

He seems to be calming down, now there's just tears and the occasional twitch of an arm. Is that blood? "Sasuke, Sasuke look at me." He must've noticed I saw because he's drawing himself into a ball. "Sasuke, stop it. Please, let me clean you up."

"No, no you'll tell. Please don't tell. I'll go back. You don't really want me…trouble, too much trouble. Don't tell. I'll be good. I'll be good for Orochimaru. Orochimaru…" He's babbling, and his breathing isn't getting any better. Those eyes…what has that man done to you? Before I could think on it anymore Sasuke got sick. He threw up everything he'd eaten since he'd been here; with his lack of nourishment that can't be good. Now he really does need to be cleaned up…and the bed. But I'll worry about that later.

He's so light. A teenage boy shouldn't be so easy to carry; I'll get more food into you later. I'm so glad you ran in front of my car; if you hadn't…if you'd gone home on time…I don't want to think about it.

Okay, how to go about stripping a traumatized teen? I can't just leave him to himself, he could try cutting again. Kakashi had mentioned a boy who had self inflicted wounds a while back, why he didn't tell me it was Sasuke is beyond me. I'll wring his neck for leaving me alone. "Sasuke…let me…oh…well that worked out nicely." Sasuke passed out. Now I can bandage him and possible change his shirt without him noticing. For now a run over with a washcloth is enough. If he feels dirty later he can wash up on his own.

TIME LAPSE

It's been an hour already. Sasuke, please wake up soon.

--SASUKE POV—

"Haku…"

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I apologize everyone. I know this chapter is short and weird but it was necessary m'kay.

I know Sasuke may sound a bit off but he was building to a panic attack. And he seems contradicting but I'm trying to show a bit of an inferiority complex and self-esteem issues. I hope it's coming across all right.

And I know Iruka doesn't sound very smart but he doesn't seem the type to have overly philosophical thoughts.

This chapter was brought to you by cheese pizza and Haku tribute AMV's.

Hope you guys liked it.


	5. Warm like Winter

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…-cries-

Hey Guys, liking the story so far? Well I guess you are if you're still reading this. ;

Anyways I thought I'd clear up the Haku thing. I really, really enjoy Haku. I think he was a great character that was done in too quickly. So naturally I brought him in.

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--HAKU POV—

I just got this strange feeling. For some reason I feel like someone needs me…Zabuza maybe? I turn around in my seat and see Zabuza sleeping peacefully on the couch. Who else could possibly need me? I wonder…no…

"Sasuke…"

--KAKASHI POV—

"HE'S OBVIOUSLY ILL! HOW COULD YOU JUST—" Note to self: do not leave Iruka with troubled teens. Or perhaps I should have just told him that Sasuke was a bit 'off'.

"Calm down 'Ruka. I was under the assumption that you would know something was wrong. You figured out last night that he was abused. You know what that comes with." Ah, the awkward silence followed by pointing out the obvious. If only I could see his face right now…House phones should have cameras attached, like in those new phones I'm always confiscating at school. But I digress. "Iruka." No response, he must be thinking hard. "IRUKA!"

"Wha-ah, yes 'Kashi?"

"I'm still in the CDF office, what exactly happened to Sasuke?"

"Oh…he started crying, then he babbled about being good and Orochimaru…then he threw up on himself. He passed out and I cleaned him up. He's been asleep for a while, but from time to time he says a name." A name? Could it be that kid Sasuke mentions in sessions?

"What name Iruka? This is important."

"It was…ah…it started with an 'H'…Hana, Hakkai…no! Haku! That's it, Haku." Well that makes things a bit easier. There's not a soul at KHS that doesn't know who Haku is, even if it's only in passing. His looks are legend.

"I'll be home later Iruka. Love" I know he'll be angry I hung up so quickly but he'll have to deal. In the meantime I need to hunt Haku down. He'll be in one of three places: home, Zabuza's, or God forbid…the mall. I do NOT want to go there, but if I must for Sasuke…

--TIME LAPSE/HAKU POV—

Sasuke where are you? You were supposed to meet me here. Don't panic Haku; he's probably just a little late. Don't panic, don't panic…I'm panicking!!! Oh man, where could he be?

-knock, knock-

"COMING!" I open the door and…it can't be. "Ah…Kakashi Hatake right?" He nods. That means he's that weird guidance councilor. He has no reason to be here; unless it's about Sasuke I suppose. "Come in."

He seems awkward in my home. I'm not so sure I should make him feel at ease. He clears his throat but makes no move to talk. It's as if he's waiting for everything to start on its own; if only things in life were that easy. I silently lead him past the living room, past Zabuza, and into my room. While finding a comfortable space on my bed I'm fully aware that he hasn't come past the doorway. Hm, now that he's in -**my- **'office' he feels uncomfortable, out of place and power. Good. I've had my share of powerless times and I'd rather not add to them unnecessarily.

"You're Sasuke's friend, ne?"

"Yes." My hands clench slightly against my comforter. "And?"

"He's at my house…ahem…I-I need you to come see him. He's not in the best of ways." Now is no time to be cryptic Hatake. 'Not in the best of ways' can mean so many things; distraught, beaten, scared, numb…oh Kami let him be okay.

"When you say-" He puts his hands up in defense and takes a hesitant step into my room, then back out again.

"He had a panic attack. You see yesterday Iruka and Naruto caught Sasuke when he was in a bit of a…fit…and they thought it would be best to bring him along. He had another panic attack, we sent him to bed, and this morning, after a long talk, he agreed to leave Orochimaru." Leave…Sasuke, Sasuke, finally.

"Well Iruka called just a bit ago saying Sasuke was in hysterics and when he finally passed out he mentioned you." I'm on my feet before he can finish, quite honestly I should have been up before now.

"Take me to him." Kakashi agrees and heads to his car like he's been threatened. I'll just leave a note for Zabuza.

--TIME LAPSE—

--SASUKE POV—

There's a sick taste in my mouth, like battery acid…it must be bile. Great, I finally get a decent meal in my system and I vomit. I bring my hand over my eyes, even though I've yet to open them. It's difficult to do so; my body feels heavier than it should. Wait…what smells like lilies? It's not me…God please don't let it be me. So help me if Iruka molested me with girly soap in my sleep.

"I think he's awake. His jaw twitched, and I think his eye's twitching too."

"Haku?" I sit up quickly and my nose bumps into Haku's. He smiles warmly at me and I don't bother to move away. It's oddly comforting to have him so close…if I squint and really pretend, he looks a bit like my mother. I've told him this, we've never spoken of it. I like it better that way.

"Morning Sunshine."

"Hn." His smile's so warm. It's so odd that he'd have such a warm smile when he's always reminded me of snow. He's so beautiful and flawless, like that first big flurry of winter, the one that comes down in some place vacant while all the animals sleep. Hn, he makes me feel like a poet sometimes. I sigh and lay back down and Haku's followed me along. He motions for me to move over and I know exactly what to do. It's rare for me to drop my mask and seek comfort but with him it's okay. We both have masks so we can't hurt each other. No mockery from two equal misfits I suppose. I lay my head oh his chest, which I've always expected to sprout breasts, and close my eyes.

"Hatake-san tells me that you've been out of odds recently."

"Hn."

"He also tells me that you're leaving…-**him**-."

"Hn." Haku sighs and his hand finds it's way to my hair. I know he's frustrated with my lack of response, but I don't feel like talking. I just want to lay here and hear his sound. It's so calming. There's the slow, steady thumping of his heart and his deep, even breaths, and his voice…airy and light. Haku's someone I could just listen to for a long while.

"Sasuke…"

"Haku."

"Sasuke, I…never mind. Just rest, if you fall asleep I'll be here when you wake up." I nod just slightly. I've been asleep for a while now, but suddenly I feel tired. It's so calm. I haven't been this calm in a while. I think I'll just let myself have a short nap. Then, then I'll answer Haku's questions…and maybe some of Naruto's too.

---AOUTHERS NOTES—

Well that's chapter 5 everyone. Whoa, it took a while to get this one out. I had a bit of writers block, which scared me 'cuz I never get that.

But anyways, I love Haku to bits and just couldn't leave him out of my story. I hope I did okay on him. More of his and Sasuke's relationship will be revealed in chapter 6. This defiantly –is- a Naru/Sasu fic so don't worry. Those two are just very friendly as a result of much needed mutual comfort.

This chapter was brought to you by cheese and veggie crackers.

R&R, see ya next time m'kay.


	6. Of Suckers and Smiles

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own it…if I did Sasuke-Chan would have a permanent limp, lol.

-- Well kiddies, it's me again. My sweet 16 just passed on the 22nd of June. Sorry for the late update. I feel so bad, but time got away from me. ; But I hope you forgive me and enjoy the chapter anyways.--

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--HAKU POV—

There's this little park hidden in the back of the city. The grass is always up to your knees and there were spider webs in every available crack. The trees are so dense it seems as if it's stuck in a perpetual night. It's made of this peculiar blue painted metal and tan plastic pieces. Overgrown trees and long since untamable foliage block most of the entrance; unless you're really looking for it, you won't find it. If the plaque is to be believed it was once cherished and well kept, erected in the memory some four year old that died of cancer.

That's where I first met Sasuke. He was sitting on the one swing graced with light. It was…breathtaking. His face was downcast and his bare feet were kicking out slowly, periodically, to skim the tops of the grass before dropping back down to the dirt below the swing. I'm not sure how long I looked at him before I made my presence known but it was worth the silence. That was my first impression of Sasuke, a frail, cold, lonely child; that will always be my most precious memory of him. There were no lies, no barriers, just pure, natural Sasuke.

When my legs could no longer stand their locked position I made my way towards him. The grass shifted and dead leaves cracked beneath my feet. He looked up at me, utterly afraid and tried to run. He didn't get very far because in his haste he lost his footing. The end result was rather amusing, and I would have laughed if the situation were different. The top half of his body was hidden by overgrown grass and the bottom half was sprawled out in the dirt.

I hurried over to see if he was all right and I was greeted by terrified whimpers. I still remember, with great detail, exactly how he looked when I finally got close. I helped him sit up and for the sake of decency I stepped back just a bit. Dirt was smeared across the bridge of his nose, which was puffy and red from sobbing, and trails of tears made his cheeks clammy and eyes an angry red. He sniffled and tried to hide his face from my wondering eyes.

I vaguely recall Zabuza somewhere in the background. He had just caught up by then; he wasn't nearly as excited about the park as I had always been. I had never been so happy that Zabuza ignored my endeavors until then. I just know that if Zabuza had tried to join us Sasuke would've ran with all his worth and I would've been absent from his life. But Zabuza didn't move, and Sasuke didn't run.

"Are you okay?" A sniffle and a nod, but I wasn't convinced. "Are you lost? Hurt maybe?" Inky hair swished back and forth in his reply. Sasuke did not trust anyone, especially new people.

"M'fine, leave me alone." He began wiping tears from his eyes but made no move to leave or shove me away either. With a fierce desire, I wanted to befriend this boy and I knew that on order to do that I would need to make a…peace offering of sorts. With the innocence and ease only a child can have, I dug a sucker from my pocket and offered it to him. Sasuke blinked cutely a few times before reaching out to take it from me.

"Go ahead. I haven't licked off of it or anything. It's just that, when I'm feeling bad a sucker always makes me feel better." That was a bit of a lie, I always preferred a popsicle when I was upset. Sasuke stared at the lollipop as if contemplating its existence before slowly removing the wrapper and taking a lick. The sucker must have passed his initial taste test because he blushed happily before putting it in his mouth for a few good sucks.

Ever since then I've always been sure to have at least one lollipop stored away just in case.

--SASUKE POV—

Haku must be reminiscing, his eyes are glazed over and he's been staring at my plate since it was put in front of me. I try not to think too much on Haku's musings. His logic is twisted in the most wonderful of ways; it isn't demented or beautiful…it's truth and feeling. He seems so at ease just believing whatever he wants regardless of what so many others may think. I can not think that way. No amount of persuasion can convince me that -I- am allowed to think that way…to live that way.

I can only hope that Haku will always be there to worry about me. And maybe someday I'll let someone else worry with him.

--SCENE CHANGE/NARUTO POV—

I feel like I should go see Sasuke again. I mean I know he doesn't seem to like me but c'mon. I did save him…sort of…Kakashi-perv and Iruka-Sensei –really- saved him I guess. But anyways, it's not like anybody can resist my Uzumaki charm! I'll just go over there again and smile and ooze my natural awesome-ness and he won't be able to resist. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

"Gaara, I'm gonna go see-"

"You shouldn't."

"-Sasuke to-…wait. Why not!" Gaara sent his usual irritated sigh and closed his book. Uh-oh, that means I'm in for a 'lecture' doesn't it?

"The Uchiha has company. Haku I believe his name is. And besides that I think he's rather intimidated by you. You told me yourself that he was tense around you, more so when there was a possibility –you- would be his guest. Perhaps you should stay away this weekend and make friends at school." I flopped back on my bed and crossed my arms.

"But I don't wanna wait! Wait, how do you know he has company?"

"Passed the house while going to the…" Oh man, he hesitated! That means he was at –that- store! I love teasing him about that. Big, bad Gaara Sabaku loves to blow glass! There's this little shop up the ways' that lets him help out every now and then. Seriously, I never would've pegged him as an artistic guy…well maybe with makeup, because those black raccoon rings take some serious patience to keep even.

"So you passed Iruka's while going to Dominion's Glass?" His eye twitched. Success! Normally I'd go on but I have a Sasuke to ponder on. Ponder…that's the right word right? Hm…ponder, that's a funny word. Damn, Rittilen and me really should make friends. Now where was I? Oh! Sasuke of course.

I just can't get him out of my head. Everything about him just makes me want to be close with him. I want to see a different side of him. If he looks so good when he's sad I can't even imagine how good he'll look with a smile. I have to get him to smile! That will be my new objective. Yup, that's it, Operation 'Sasuke Smile I Must See' has to be noted.

Where'd I leave that book? Hehe, I keep my secret operations written down in this old notebook that I got from the flea market. It has some schoolgirl from a Chinese anime on it. There it is, crap always ends up under my bed. Okay, so I'll just cross off Operation 'Push Kiba into Hinata's Boobs' and put down Operation 'Sasuke Smile I Must See'. I can push Kiba into cleavage any time, how often am I gonna' see Sasuke smile?

Alright! I will begin my attempts Monday! Oh wait…today is only Saturday, do I really want to lose a day? Well I need a day to prepare so Monday it is! Hehe, I'm so kick-ass.

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I am sooooooo sorry for the short chapter! But you guys have been waiting so I went ahead and posted it.

BTW, the playground description I used was real. I use to play there all the time. It wasn't dedicated to a kid though, it was a veteran memorial park. But the setting just suddenly popped into my head when I was writing, so there it is.

And the sucker idea was supplied by my little brother. He has no idea what I'm writing but I said I was stuck w/ a crying kid and he said, 'give him a sucker' and I went with it.

This chapter was brought to you by white grape juice and lavender incense.

See ya next time. R&R.


	7. Blank Gazing

Disclaimer: No! It's not mine….Q.Q

-- Well I know I haven't posted in a while but I've been angsting. Not really sure why, I've just been in an emo-ish mood. Now I know you're thinking 'isn't that perfect for this story?' well it is but I was too busy angsting to n00bs on a website I didn't have time to write out my 'sorrows' lol. But I'm here now with a new chapter.

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-- SASUKE POV--

I feel uncomfortable. It's as if my skin is burning from the inside out. Everything's itchy and if I don't get to move soon I'll make a fool of myself. I never should've agreed to this. There's no point in sitting here.

On the other side of that door is Iruka's mother. She's even more insufferable than Iruka himself. Kakashi and Iruka insisted I come out to meet her, that I dress nice, that I try small talk. –Small- talk is not possible with Mrs. Umino. How anyone can be so intrusive and polite at the same time is beyond me. At first it was little things 'How old are you' 'any honor classes?' but now…Now she's asking things like 'What's your orientation, sweetie?' 'Do you masturbate to TV personalities?' I almost choked on my sushi. The question about my orientation was somewhat expected, with Iruka being her son and all, but who I masturbate to is my own business…and possibly the business of Haku.

The longer I stare at the door leading to the den to more I wish I would've stayed the night at Haku's. I'm no stranger to his home; in fact, Zabuza has beaten up some people in my name. But instead of taking his offer like I normally would I humored Iruka's family dinner offer. He said something along the lines of 'becoming a big happy family'. I'm not sure if I will ever consider Mrs. Umino family. Kakashi, yes, Iruka, I'll adapt to, -that- woman…no way in hell.

Several times throughout dinner I felt her eyes on me. When I met her gaze it felt to me as if she were looking through me. It felt as if she could see into all of my memories and insecurities. I'm use to such penetrating looks but not like this. Her's was laced with a heavy pity. I don't like being pitted. I'm not someone's charity; I'm not someone's ticket to better karma.

I can't take it anymore! I stand abruptly and knock over my chair. Dinner be damned, I'm uncomfortable. I startled Kakashi with my sudden actions but he quickly went back to his porn. He too finds Mrs. Umino irritating so he opted to sit with me rather than chat in the den. Dimly I can hear the den door opening and startled questions from Mrs. Umino. Kakashi will cover me and if he doesn't all the better. Maybe she'll think I'm a delinquent and refuse to visit again.

As much as I want to lock my door I don't. If I do lock it someone will inevitably try to come in and 'comfort' me, Murphy's Law I believe, perhaps not; that topic was reviewed after I'd cut a little too deep in the bathroom, I lost a lot of blood. A worn down body often leads to a worn down perception. Thankfully I've been able to retain some semblance of my mind even in the worst of situations.

I make my way to my bed and notice a yellowish splash of light across the expanse of my bed. The curtains…I ripped them down just like I intended. The sunlight problem has been resolved but in retrospect I wonder when it has ever been a good idea to remove curtains when your bed is near by. I could always put them back up for now. Iruka and Kakashi know the truth, the moon's lies won't deceive them. But Mrs. Umino…screw it. She'll be gone in a few hours.

With spite I put the curtains back up and close them. I'm not tired now but I don't feel like sitting in the light either. I lie back on my bed, sprawled out like a lazy child, and stare at the ceiling. I remember doing this as a child. I enjoyed such simple things. Often times my mother would find me lying on my stomach in the grass just watching it grow. Other times I would lay just like this in my bed and stare at the popcorn ceiling until my eyes went out of focus. It's always better when your eyesight blurs. Once that happens I just know I've been staring for a long time. I know my eyes have glazed over and that I've successfully blocked out the world. I would spend hours some nights just staring at the ceiling. It made me feel relaxed. When I was younger it wasn't only a hobby but a way to speed up time. I was so concerned with growing up to impress my father that I never really went out and played. I had childish moments but I never really just let go completely and did something truly silly and without purpose for fun.

My first few months with Orochimaru made me detest my hobby of 'blank gazing'. At night while I was hurt and afraid I would chide myself for all that lost time. I found myself trying to count how many hours I wasted staring at things when I could've been with my mother or brother. It was at those times, in the dark of night with only the ticking clock to keep me company that I felt like I deserved this. During those long late hours I felt as if these beatings were pertinence for the way I had previously lived. I was born into a family filled with opportunity and hope, instead of embracing these opportunities I laid outside to watch grass and other frivolous things. I'm certain my brother never did anything like that. Itachi was always one to read rather than sit and do nothing.

But eventually I stopped thinking during those late hours. I soon realized that I was giving into Orochimaru far too easily and so I began my hobbies again. Blank gazing became a wonderful way to ignore pain. I didn't discover the wonders of cutting until eight grade and even if I had I doubt I would've pursued –that- particular path at such a young age. Blank gazing is a wonderful way to space out. It's almost like your soul separates from your body. You don't think, you barely feel, and most importantly, you don't remember. Everything just turns into a pleasant colored blur. But cutting…cutting is such an amazing high. Your heart beats faster because you know pain is coming and adrenaline pumps wildly through your veins while you pull the blade across. All those cuts, like records of sin screaming to be seen. It's a sharp and stinging pain but it's so wonderful. If you focus on the cut then everything else becomes numbed and the scent of copper becomes your savior.

The first time I cut it was by accident. I was doing the dishes. Orochimaru had a lot of silverware, knifes in particular. He had a lot of cups as well. Because his dish-drainer was so small I came up with a system. I'd fold a towel in half and lay it on the counter. Silverware would be piled up to one side of the towel, closest to the drainer, and cups would be stacked in the available space. Plates and bowls went to the dish-drainer and pans would be put in the drawer beneath the stove. The system was for space issues not safety. It never really occurred to me how dangerous it was to just piles an entire drawers' worth of silverware in one spot. But one day in the middle of doing the dishes Orochimaru slammed the front door open and screamed. I never figured out what angered him but I had been so startled by the outburst that I spun around quickly. My arm happened to draw by a protruding knife. For a good ten minutes I didn't notice anything other than the cut on my arm. From that point on, I was hooked.

As cutting became my new hobby so did sewing. I had never really thought about how I would hide the cuts. Haku had always just put makeup on my bruises when they were in a noticeable place or when it was too hot to wear long-sleeves. But this wasn't something I wanted Haku to know about. Even though digging metal into my skin made me feel better it also made me feel dirty in a way. I chalked it up to taking the good with the bad and brainstormed ways to hide my new addiction. Armbands were my solution. They could be made loose enough so that I would feel cool but they were also concealing. I made my first pair out of an old shirt and a set of blue doll belts. When Haku asked I told him I felt bad about always using up his makeup. It was a half-truth, another lie that wasn't really a lie. And it made me feel horrible. I had never lied to Haku, even about the most embarrassing of things. It didn't take long for me to cave and show him what I was doing.

He had been furious. Never before had I seen Haku yell until then. He screamed at me about secrets and my health but when he calmed down…He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, the left ear, and smiled softly. He picked up one of the bands and told me what a good job I had done on the stitching. He gave me some Neosporin and gauze. After that whenever I cut too deep it was Haku that calmed me down and cleaned me up. Never once did he look tired of it. To this day that still worries me. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking advantage of his kindness but I can't help myself. I always cut one more time after I say no more and I always run back to him after I say I'll be strong on my own.

Once, while Haku thought I was sleeping, he spoke in a low whisper about how I was like a vine. I could be strong and I could adapt, but without a tree to cling to I was helpless. He chuckled and called himself a Lilly pad. They could blossom beautifully even in the worst of places and if a vine should fall on one it's weight would be supported, even if only for a moment. Then he laughed in an airy way and said vines grew beautiful flowers sometimes too.

It's becoming harder to think and my vision is blurring. Now it's time for more blank gazing.

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--AUTHORS NOTES—

Well there you have it! Chapter 7 is done. I like this chapter more towards the end, when the blank gazing topic comes up.

I –do- blank gaze, it's a lot of fun. I did it in class one time though, not cool. I also put up my dishes in a similar manner. There's a silverware pile and cups on a towel but we have two dish-drainers and plenty of room.

School starts for me on the 20th but that doesn't really mean anything.

This chapter has been brought to you by jawbreakers and raspberry muffins.


	8. Pets

Disclaimer: Haha! You can't sue me 'cuz I don't own it.

--Chapter 8 is just below my lil' author's note. –sighs- There was a complaint about my paragraph structure in chapter 7. Something about it being tiring and that the chapter was pointless; It was suppose to show you how he coped with his problems…Mrs. Umino was an attempt to give people a break from constant angst…oh well, you can't please them all.—

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--NARUTO POV—

Duh-duh-da-da-DA! It's Sunday! Normally Sunday is a real bummer because that means I have school the next day but, dare I say it, I can't wait for school. I'm totally psyched about seeing Sasuke smile. Okay, calm myself…five, four, three, two, one…and I'm calm…well calmer anyways. I know it'll be no easy task to see that smile but I am determined as hell to see it. I'm willing to bet a stack of ramen noodles that his smile is enough to make a girl faint.

I need to brainstorm. I know that I can't just demand a smile from him and he's so defensive, so I'll have to be sneaky. Hm, maybe he has a ticklish spot. But that'd be hard to find and on top of that he'd probably throw another book at me once he recovered; so that's out. Maybe a nice gesture's the way to go. I could pick flowers or something and leave them at his locker with an anonymous note. Maybe he'd smile thinking about what girl it could be…or boy…hopefully boy. Oh, but then I'd have to go to school really early so no one see's me put the flowers there. I dunno if I trust the student body not to blab…nah, I defiantly don't trust them!

I have officially decided it as of now, that thinking about hard stuff sucks hard core. Off to Shikamaru!

--TIME LAPSE/SASUKE POV—

My sudden outburst last night was not overlooked. Mrs. Umino –did- leave rather abruptly shortly after but I wasn't left alone last night. When I finally snapped out of my blank gazing I noticed Kakashi was at the foot of my bed. He was obviously panicked by my catatonic state so I sat up to show him I was okay. Not three seconds later some blond lady with big breasts came running in with Iruka in tow. She grabbed my face and started checking my vitals.

After assuring everyone I was okay the doctor, Tsunade I think, finally broke contact with me and let me lie back down. Much to my displeasure she spent the night on a cot, in my room. She snores.

I barely slept at all. Needless to say, I was rather irritable at breakfast…by that I mean I glared at everything that moved and I answered everything with a caveman-like grunt. Tsunade just laughed it off as 'teenagers'. She either doesn't know she snores or she just doesn't give a shit. I'm willing to bet it's the second option. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do much of anything today. All this worry is restricting. It's as if I've traded one prison for another. Albeit this one is much safer…but still, I can't help but wonder what my boundaries are, what my freedoms are.

Not even a week ago I feared that a stray sneeze would cause my death, by means of aggravated assault. Nothing was sacred to –him-, nothing was safe, things that were okay with him one day were off limits the next, with no warning before hand. When I first began sewing he was fine with it, amused even. A few days later I was sitting in the living room hemming a torn shirt…I've never been able to use pincushions since.

--TIME LAPSE—

Deep breaths Sasuke, deep breaths. Kami only knows how long this could go on, and what she could ask.

"Alright gaki, I understand that most of these questions will be difficult for you to answer but I need you to try. The more detailed you are the longer Orochimaru will be locked up. First question: When was the first time he touched you in a sexual way?"

She would have to ask –that- first. Of all the things, aren't there moral codes to go by? Something like: 'easy things first, we'll build from there.' Someone tensed up behind me and without even looking I know it's Iruka-sensei, Kakashi is much more composed…on the outside at least. Don't they realize how much harder it will be to answer with them behind me? These things…these wretched memories make me weak. I-I don't want to be weak…I don't want people I live with to know how pathetic I am!

"—uke…we can try these later if yo-"

"No! I…I don't want to wait…I just…" My head falls forward and I can only hope my bangs will cover any tears that slip away from me. If it doesn't they she at least has the tact not to say anything. "I…he…it was when I was eight. Sunday night, I skipped school the next day. He thought it was fu-funny…just that he had done it when he had, like it was a game." There's no hiding it now, I'm crying, I'm weak…please someone help me…

--TIME LAPSE—

I managed to answer all of Tsunade's questions. There were several times where I had to stop completely and cry. I'm thankful that no one made an attempt to hurry me or suggest continuing at a later date. All the things I remember about that man are now recorded in sloppy shorthand. After it was all said and done I laughed, thinking about how I could suddenly say my life had become a sort of demented memoir that no one will ever read of their own violation.

My sudden uncontrollable laughter led to myself being pinned rather harshly to a bed. Tsunade feared I was in some sort of shock and would injure myself if left alone. Her actions didn't deter my laughter; instead it died out on its own after a good ten minutes. I spent the rest of the night in a daze, blank gazing with only the occasional twitch to show that I wasn't catatonic. I felt so free…just /knowing/ that they all know exactly what happened to me…it's so…it's something new to me. No one's every really known the details, not even Haku. I always left him to guess based on my injuries. He has such a vivid imagination, I just assumed he would guess right on give or take a few scratches.

I wonder what I'll do now. Now that I have this freedom I feel obligated to make the best of it. The only thing is…I don't completely remember what it is to be free. I was so young when my world was snatched away that I can't bring to mind what exactly made me happy. But what I do remember is crayons…crayons and wood floors. I vaguely recall losing myself for hours in pages of printer paper sprawled across our wooden, lacquered deck. I would hum along with my mother. She would work in the garden and I'd scribble to my hearts content.

I think –that- should've been a warning to my parents…or even to myself. What normal little boy would willingly give up his afternoons of playtime to color and spend time with their mothers? Heh…my mom…she would've been okay with it. Sometimes I sit up at night and imagine what it would be like if they never died. I pictured me and her sitting in the living room pointing out cute actors and bad movie lines. And maybe in the background somewhere an old picture of mine would be framed, in all of its waxy crayon glory.

I miss her so much. Dad…almost every little boy in the world idolizes their father. I did, I loved him just like I should've, but Mom, Mom was a god to me. She always knew what to say and when to say nothing at all. She always had song in her head and a smile on her face. There wasn't a snack she couldn't make or a flower she couldn't grow. Come to think of it, the only thing Mom couldn't do that I wanted her to do was take a stand and stick to it. She hardly ever argued with father and when she did it was over me.

'If Sasuke wants to color all day let him!' 'So he's a day-dreamer, who isn't at that age?' 'I will NOT let you take him on a hunting trip! Think about what that'd do to him!' They never argued over anything else. My father wanted a 'man's man' in the making and my mom just wanted me to go at my own pace. She always protested father on his tactics with me. But no matter how much she'd fight it, things went my fathers' way. He refused to look at my drawings, he snapped at me when I daydreamed, and hunting…I'm a vegetarian now. To this day the image of a rabbit stuck in a bear-trap at the stomach haunts me. That night while Itachi and father ate rabbit-kabobs I sat to the side making a grave for the bones near my sleeping bag.

I was rather surprised at my actions when I discovered Haku had a pet rabbit. It was snowing out and Orochimaru said I could leave as long as I was back by dark. I ran as fast as my tiny feet and short legs would carry me to Haku's house. Zabuza answered to door and he moved aside without being asked, so I could slide by him with my face down. And there they were, right in front of the time-worn fireplace was Haku and his pet snow-rabbit, Momen.(1) I distinctly remember saying "B-bunny…" then crying my eyes out on the spot.

Both of them were so confused. I hadn't mentioned the hunting trip at that point so they were at a loss. I made quite the picture, standing in the middle of Haku's living room was me, in girl shorts Orochimaru bought on sale, Itachi's old fleece zip-up, loose high socks, and a hand-knit black scarf…and I was pink in the cheeks from tears and cold. I remember Haku kissing my face to make me better and his mother running into the living room armed with a spatula. Zabuza stood off to the side shifting uncomfortably.

Finally Haku gave up with the kissing and tried to put Momen away. But when I cried harder and stretched my arms out like a needy infant he gave me the rabbit. I hugged a very confused Momen to my chest and hiccup-cried into his fur for a few more minutes. Later I told them why I had cried and Haku decided to get me my own pet rabbit. I protested, even when he offered to keep it with him and away from my dangerous guardian. I didn't want a rabbit; it would make me cry too much. That's what I told him.

And on Christmas…when I ran away from Orochimaru the first time, I ran right to Haku. He had been waiting for me just inside the door, like he knew I'd run to him. He gave me the cutest black kitten I had ever seen. Its fur was the same shade as my hair and it was just young enough to be away from its mother. Yuuhi…(2)

"YUUHI!"

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---AUTHORS NOTES—

Well it only took two broken computers, one broken mouse, and a hard drive crash to get it to you but there you have it. That was chapter 8.

Momen means cotton ball in Japanese and since it was a snow hare I just found that to be clever.

Yuuhi means midnight if I'm not mistaken. That too just seemed like a clever pun on fur color.

Well since my Internet wasn't working at the time I finished this, and because my computer ate all my word documents up I couldn't reference back to the other chapters. Honestly, and I hate to admit it, I can't remember if and how I killed off Sasuke's family…

Well, this chapter was brought to you by General Tso's chicken and Vanilla milk.


	9. Mourning

Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto…but a girl can dream.

Here we have it ladies and gentlemen, chapter 9 of Life Cereal. All of you faithful readers make me all warm and fuzzy inside. I really had forgotten that Kurenai's last name was Yuuhi, but she has dark hair so it makes sense. Anyways, I'm sure all of you are dying to know what's up with the kitty-kat.

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--KAKASHI POV—

Kurenai…Why would Sasuke yell for her?

"Sa-Sasuke, are you alright?"

Right on cue, I never even had to put down my paper. In my peripheral vision I can see Sasuke staggering out of his room. There are no tears but he's obviously distressed. I'll let 'Ruka take care of it, he's the 'wife' in the relationship anyways.

--SASUKE POV—

"Yuuhi, you have to let me go get Yuuhi! Please, I don't want –him- to have him. Oh no…what…what if he did something…Yuuhi…" My breath is getting labored and nothing's coming out right. Iruka's just staring at me, doesn't he know that Yuuhi could be in danger. Why isn't he doing anything?!

"Sasuke, who's Yuuhi? You don't mean Kurenai-Sensei do you?'

"No! Yuuhi! My, Yuuhi, my cat…I took him home. I never should've taken him home. But I was so upset…sniff…wh-what if –he- did something to Yuuhi? He didn't know, I know he didn't, I hid him so well…he-he could've found…or Yuuhi might've been hungry. Oh no…what did I do?!" I'm a wreck, and all because I wanted to take him home for the night. I should've just left him at Haku's. It's just that it's nice to have something around that wants you.

Please, please, Kami or God or Buddha, any deity out there, let my cat be okay. "Sasuke, I could call Haku. Would you like Haku to go get Yuuhi?" Haku going to get Yuuhi, that's a good idea.

"Yes…but I want to go too."

--KAKASHI POV—

Now that's strange. I wonder if this cat means that much to him or if he simply needs to go back and sort out some things. After my mothers death…it was months before I even looked through my old things. I never once set foot in that apartment again. He's a strong boy, even if he's too blind to see it.

"I'll call Haku then. No worries, he left us his number." Sasuke nods quickly and runs to his room, to get ready most likely.

"Ahem, yes, Haku…no no, Sasuke's fine….No, he's awake. But he wants to retrieve his cat. Will you go with him? …Yes he'll be ready when you get here. Drive safely." Well…I suppose I should send 'Ruka out for some cat food.

--SASUKE POV—

Yuuhi, Yuuhi I'm so sorry. I'm coming for you I promise if he hurt you…no! No I can't think about that. You're a good cat, you're probably still in my closet waiting for me to come home.

//"Where is he?"// Haku! I race out to the living room and practically drag Haku out the door with me. I'll be damned if I'm going to leave my kitten in that hellhole. We get in the car and speed off quickly. I'm sitting in the front passenger seat of a Geo Metro speeding towards a torture chamber so I can bring my cat to my guidance councilor…what the hell is wrong with me?

We get to the house in record time. Three red lights were ran I believe. Faster and more eager than ever before I race towards the front door and throw it open. All of our stuff is still in place. The once maroon, now orange, lumpy sofa, the mismatched dishes stacked on a towel, an old Grandfather clock that was spray-painted white, purple, and gold…I hate this crap, now to my room. I left him in my closet. Yuuhi's a quiet cat, he should be just fine…just fine…

My room, it's been trashed. Orochimaru must've done it when I didn't come home from school. Oh please, please be okay. My closet door is right in front of me and the fate of my Yuuhi lies behind the doors, but still I'm hesitant to open it. I know he's just a cat and I shouldn't be so worked up but I'm afraid. Yuuhi was a living creature, a living thing that I promised to protect. He loved me and kept me company on the nights I felt like just dying. I'd rather not know the truth than know he's dead.

No, no that's not true. It's always better knowing. Breathe Sasuke, just breathe and open the door. My eyes slid close and my hand reaches forward. I can hear Haku approaching behind me and I'm encouraged to open the door faster. Ah…it's open…I don't hear anything…No! No, not Yuuhi too! What did he do to y-

"Meow." Wha? I look down and there he is. Bundled safely in one of my old sweatshirts is Yuuhi. He looks a little hungry but other than that he seems fine. Haku sighs in relief and walks away, to get some food probably. I pick up my kitten and hold him close to my chest. I can feel tears brewing, and as Yuuhi's paw reaches up and pats my nose, they start to flow freely. I'm just so happy that he's okay. I wasn't ready to make another animal grave just yet.

I put Yuuhi in my hoodie pocket and his head pokes out shyly. Quickly I begin to gather my belongings…the ones I can stand to keep anyways. Some of it goes into a rabbit print duffel bag, a gag-gift from Haku, and some of it gets thrown aside carelessly. "Okay Yuu, let's see if Haku's found you anything to snack on." I throw my duffel over my shoulder and vow to never step foot in my old room again.

I reach into my pocket to play with Yuuhi and he responds happily. It seems that he forgave me to the abandonment the moment he saw me again, assuming he ever did blame me. Haku is indeed in the kitchen when I spot him. He's got an agitated look on his face and I can tell it's because of the food selection. "I did the shopping. I was suppose to go after school that day…" Haku nods and closes the fridge.

For a moment no one moves, even Yuuhi is still, tucked away in my hoodie. All the sound and color seemed to vanish; it was as if we were mourning. Not mourning the life I was leaving, more liked grieving for the life I lost to get to this place. A car burns out around the corner and the trance is broken. Haku takes my bunny duffel and just about runs to the door. I follow closely behind, not even bothering to close the door as I left for the last time.

--AUTHORS NOTES—

I beg your forgiveness!!!!!!! I was without computer access for 57 days! Then I got writers block, then mid-terms came up….I know this is a short chapter but I cut it off here with good intentions.

I'm sorry it's so short…Oh and a Geo Metro, don't knock the car man. I totally want one, it's my dream car, it really is.

This chapter was brought to you by Banana pepper pizza and peach soda. R&R please.


	10. Smug

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Why?! Why must I ADMIT that I will never be awesome enough to have created Naruto and all of its characters?

--Hiya guys Oh man, you all must hate me for how short that last chapter was. I was disgraced by it. But I had to cut it off there for the sake of…creative…or literary…I just had to stop it there okay. I promise this chapter will more than make up for it. I'm such a procrastinator! I don't deserve to be on the same website as some other dedicated writers! –curls into a ball and rocks—Moving on!—

--LINE BREAK/NARUTO POV—

TODAY! Today is the day my life changes forever! Today is the day I change the life of another! Today is the day I talk to Sasuke! And there he is…and here I go…in the opposite direction…I can't do this. Who am I kidding? According to Sakura-chan I'm a 'brash, loud-mouthed, knuckle-head with no direction in life.' Sasuke has baggage, not that I don't, but his just seems more…more important I guess. I'm a coward. I mean, how can I call myself a man if I can't even talk to a cute guy? That didn't sound right…

"Gaaarrrraaa!!"

"No."

"Don't do that! You didn't even know what I was gonna' say!" I'm huffing out my cheeks like a little kid and I know it bugs him. I get a lot of weird looks in public but here at school people are pretty much use to it…'cept the freshies. I still creep them out I think. Gaara doesn't show that he's annoyed but I can tell, 'cuz I'm cool like that. I have annoying-dar or something…that could use a better name.

"You're whining, that's enough for me to say no to begin with. Other than that I spotted the Uchiha as well, you're avoiding him." I scrunch up my face again. He always knows what's up, it's no fair.

"Well maybe I was gonna ask you to come with me to get a soda." He glances up from his book for a second, first time all morning, and I know he doesn't believe me.

"Neither of us are female, however flamboyant you may be aside, we do not travel in packs. Get a soda on your own, if you're so inclined."

"Don't use big words so early in the morning Gaara, it melts my brain."

"If you say so Uzumaki." Well that went fan-fucking-tasic. Now I can either go get a soda and make him smug to see me waste money, go talk to Sasuke and see him smug about catching me lie, or I could sit here and soak in the smugness he radiates because he knows he's right….decisions, decisions…

"Fine, I'll go talk to him." I grumble just about the whole way over. I can feel his smirk, it's burning right through his book and straight into the back of my head. Damn Gaara and his evilly-ness, and his smugness and every other 'ness' he is. Now I need to brace myself. Shika said to talk with Sasuke. He said small talk was awkward but necessary. I can do this. Pointless conversation is my forte. But damn, it just burns me up that I went all the way over to his house and I got a plan that I could've thought of.

--FLASHBACK—

Okay, Shika's house is like right around the block I think. I see a big house around the corner painted with psychedelic patterns. The closer I get the more details I can see, like the messy garden…and I think that was a chicken that just ran by. Oh yeah, Shika's parents are die-hard hippies. They live below poverty level on purpose. They say it's a way to stick it to the man. I just think they're too stoned to get real jobs. I don't care though, 'cuz they're nice and they let me stay over no questions asked.

I bypass the lone, running chicken and knock on the door. After about five minutes Shika answers the door wearing a really baggy T-shirt. And I do mean –just- a really baggy T-shirt. It goes down past his thighs but I can still tell he's going commando. Okay Uzumaki, eyes up and you'll be fine. "Troublesome. You want something right?"

"Yup, I want to see Sasuke smile."

"Talk to him. Start small." I cross my arms and pout. I totally could've thought of that.

"But—"

"Shika!" I hear his mom's voice but I don't see her. I think she might be in the kitchen though.

"Yeah mom?" He mumbles too much…and his mom yells too much, go figure.

"Come on! We're going to the Flea Market." Shika's hands go up over his head to yank at his ponytail and I look away quickly. I don't think I could look at him straight at school if I saw his junk from under a purple tee.

"Well thanks Shika. I gotta' go anyways." He mumbles troublesome and I'm out of there.

--END FLASHBACK—

Target, I mean Sasuke, is in view! He's sitting against a bottom locker. I think it's his, if the graffiti on the front is right. I remember passing that locker before. Kids are always writing mean shit on there. One kid even wrote this really long poem in permanent marker about how he should kill himself. Then he sprayed it with art fixer. It took five days of scrubbing to get rid of it, and you can still see the last line: It would be your gift to us. How fucked up is that? And now no one even bothers to clean it. The janitors say that it's too much trouble because it just gets dirty again the next morning.

Okay, here goes my first try. I lean against the locker and slid down to sit beside him. He pulls his knees closer to himself and I fight a sigh. I want him to like me so much. "Hi Sasuke-san. I guess we haven't been introduced right. I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I ride your bus. Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-perv have known me for a while. Iruka use to work at my orphanage. I like ramen, especially beef miso kind. I have the high score on PacMan at the laundry mat down on 4th. Gaara's my roommate at the orphanage and he's my friend. Creepy looking guy but he's really nice and polite once you get to know him. Last week I got an F on my pop quiz in Literature. It was about the last scene of "Antigone". She's this chick that's the kid of her brother and grandma. It's like—"

"You're rambling." I blush and rub the back of my head. At least he doesn't sound angry.

"Yeah, well, I ramble when I get nervous. I think it's better to have pointless conversation than awkward silences." Sasuke nods slowly once and rest's his cheek on his knee. His face is so cute…I kinda want to kiss his nose. Just because it's there and just to say I did ya know.

"Why are you nervous?" Not the question I expected.

"Because I'm talking to you. I want to be your friend. I mean, I'm a friendly guy and no offense but you look like you need a friend." Uzumaki, you are a –dumbass-. I just told him he needed a friend. I just called him a loner, I've insulted him. Damn…

"Hn." Crap! Is that a thoughtful 'hn' or an angry, I'm about to kick you 'hn'? "I…hn…friend…" Oh man, the way that word rolled off his tongue. It was like he was testing out a new language. His little button nose twitched when he said it, like a mouse…no like a cat. Yeah, that's it Sasuke Uchiha is a humanoid-kitty. THAT is masturbation material, oh yeah, that's popping up in my dreams tonight.

"Yeah, friends. What do you say? Sign up today and I guarantee that I'll stick around like a tumor! Wait…tumors are bad…maybe I'll be like a sheep and you can be Miss Bopeep." Oh no…."N-not that I'm saying you're a girl or anything! I-I just mean that—"

"Okay."

"Huh?"

"Okay, I'll be your friend. On one condition." Yes, this is too good to be true. He's gonna be my friend and all I have to do is obey one condition.

"And what's that?" He moved his head so his chin rested in the dent between his knees.

"You have to meet Haku and Zabuza, and they have to approve."

"Deal! And no worries, Uzumaki Naruto never goes back on his word! That's just my way!" Haku I've heard of, I even have a few classes with him. He's a nice guy, a little gender-confused sometimes, but overall okay. I'm not sure who Zabuza is but if Sasuke befriends fluffy little people like Haku how bad could Zabuza be? "I'll see you at lunch then? I'd hang out now but I have to go talk with Gaara. I'm sure he'd like to be your friend too."

"Fine." Score! And off I go to rub it in Gaara's face. Now I get to be all smug-like.

--SASUKE POV—

I can't believe I just did that. A friend! I don't need another friend, especially not one that wants to pity me. Haku…Haku and Zabuza won't approve. They'll see, I know they will. They'll see how much I hate sunlight and they'll turn him away. The last thing I need in my life right now is Naruto-brand sunshine. He's too loud, he's too obnoxious, he's…he's just too –there-. I don't need that. I like my low profile, my almost non-existence, it's my security blanket. People can't hurt what they can't see. I could never be invisible enough to –him- but I've managed to skate through school well enough. The shit on my locker makes me laugh sometimes. All they work they put into tearing me down, don't they see that it's all just child's play. If they really wanted to hurt me then they should just hit me. If they're lucky they might land a blow on a wound.

I should have skipped today. Not even an hour ago I was telling myself not to get caught up in his light, and instead of holding true to myself I've been drawn in like a bug to the zapper. That's exactly what I picture happening to myself. I've been drawn in by his unnatural light and slowly but surely I draw closer to him, warming and comforting myself in his presence. But it can only end in pain. People like me aren't meant to touch the light. No…-things- like me aren't meant to bask in the light, envy from a distance perhaps, but never to venture over. I think if Uzumaki were to befriend me I would have to hide behind Haku, hide in his snowy warmth. Hopefully he will always blanket me enough to keep me safe, to keep me warm, to keep me away from ridiculous beacons like Naruto Uzumaki. If one day he isn't I'm not sure what I'll do with myself.

--LINE BREAK/AUTHOR'S NOTE—

Well that was chapter 10. Yay for Sasuke's metaphor-ridden self-destruction muse, it was a true joy to write. It really was.

I got a comment on Sasuke's excessive worry on the kitten. I'll address that now before I forget. In this story Sasuke is a traumatized individual. Generally a traumatized person will pick things to cling to and obsess over, 'safe' things. Obviously a kitten is a safe thing, it can't talk, it can be needy, and it's fun to cuddle with. A cat can't verbally express distaste and obviously can't violate Sasuke. Besides that he was a precious gift from Haku, Sasuke's 'mother figure' so to speak. That's why he went berserk over the cat. Hopefully that has cleared things up.

Other than that I'm just happy to have the chapter finished. This fic is going to be a beast once it's all said and done, I can see it. You guys are in for the long haul on chapters, so be on the look out.

This chapter was brought to you by peaches and homemade ornigiri.


	11. Lungs, Throat, and Tongue

Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...I wish I did but well...

--Okay everyone. So I was looking back and reading the fic and I realized that I started this LAST summer. TT.TT I'm not worthy!! I promise I'm going to update more frequently from now on. But aside from that I'm glad everyone is liking it so far. I kind of beat myself up over it but I suppose if you guys enjoy it I must be doing something right. But enough about me! On to the fic!--

--LINEBREAK/NARUTO POV--

I am the man! I am amazing and I deserved to be worshiped! Now to go tell Gaara...not that I think he'll bow down to me or anything. I just want him to stop being so damn smug. Gaara, Gaara, Gaara, Gaara, la la la, there he is. I wonder how far he's gotten in that book. Looks like a few chapters. Hm, there's no cover thing-y...I wonder what it's about. Ooh, ooh, maybe it's like a porno, or better yet some cheesy romance novel about star-crossed lovers in Europe or Spain or...some far away romantic-y place.

"You're hovering Uzumaki. Did your chat with the Uchiha go well?"

"Yup! He says I can be his friend, and you too. All we have to do is get approval from Haku and some guy named Zabuza. No big." Gaara looked me right in the eye the second I mentioned 'Zabuza' and he even closed his book. Okay so maybe it is big. "What?" He put his book away and started walking lazily towards first period.

"Nothing Naruto...good luck." No! NO! He did NOT just use my first name! And then he added good luck. It must be a really, really big deal! Oh man, what should I do? Should I chase after him and demand answers? Or maybe I should go find Sasuke and ask him about his friends? No, that would make me look like a selfish coward. I've got to be brave for Sasuke! I've got to. Okay, so I can go after Gaara and demand answers that I won't get or...or what? Class! Class starts in like three minutes. I do NOT want to be late to math again. I swear every time I show up late to that class Ibiki-sensei eats a little more of my soul.

So on to math it is. I can do this. I'm brave, I'm awesome, I AM THE MAN! Breathe Naruto you can handle this. Just take it in stride. Breathe in and out...why is everyone lookin' at me? Oh...I'm practically heaving in and out like a pregnant chick in labor. Switching now to more subtle breathing. The last thing I need is rumors about me having a mental breakdown in front of Ibiki-sensei's room. But then again that would reflect poorly on sensei...maybe the school board would make him tone down his 'I-must-torture-you' aditude.

No, that wouldn't be good. I need to keep a low profie for now. Sasuke doesn't like the spotlight. I have to remain calm, or at least less impulsive, until my friendship with Sasuke is written in stone. After we become good buddies I'll be free to go ape-shit whenever I want and I'll just make things up to him afterwards. Now that that's settled where to sit today? Hm...Shikamaru or Sakura-chan. Sakura can give me tips on how to woo Sasuke...well as long as I don't tell her it's Sasuke. But Shika lets me cheat off of him. Sakura's doing something new with her hair, and that shirt really shows off her stuff. But I'm currently interested in Sasuke and staring at Sakura's little boobs won't get me in his good books. I mean, he's not in this class but he could still find out. I guess I'm sitting with Shikamaru today, damn Sakura and her baby-tee's. If I wasn't such an all around horny teenager I wouldn't be having this problem.

I slump down in my seat next to Shikamaru and dig out my weekend assignment. What kind of sadistic teacher assigns weekend homework, honestly. I think I did it right but ugh. I just don't understand why we do this. When in my everyday life am I going to need to know how imaginary numbers affect equations? They're -imaginary-, so why do they even matter?

"Did you talk?"

"Huh?" Oh mai gawd! It speaks! Shikamaru must've slept at least eighteen hours yesterday if he's giving up his nap now to ask me questions. "Yeah, we talked. He says I've got to get approval from Haku and Zabuza before I can be his friend though. Which totally blows. I thought it would be easy but the way Gaara acted. I'm thinking Haku and Zabuza aren't pushovers." Shika turned his head to the side to look at me. His hair is down today so I can't really see his face but I think he's thinking.

"Have you ever hurt Sasuke?"

"Nope."

"Then you have nothing to worry about. There's no logical reason for those guys to disapprove of you if you haven't caused Sasuke any harm." Well there's some nice logic.

"Yeah, but I don't think they're going to be logical. I mean, what if Sasuke tells them ahead of time not to approve just to be rid of me?" That's what I'm really worried about. I don't want to get shut out of his life before I get a good chance at making things better. If his friends don't approve and he tells me to fuck off I'm gonna do it. I'd rather he rembers me being nice to him once than have him hate me for being persistant.

"Well Naruto...if that's what he does then you just have to deal with it."

"Well Shik--"

"ATTENTION CLASS! Pass your homework forward. I'll be counting the papers from each row. If you didn't do it, or don't have it, make things quicker by just getting out now. You had all weekend, there's no excuse." I start passing homework up, mine included, and lo and behold at least three kids get up and stomp out of the room. Ibiki-sensei's a real hardass. But still, if I hadn't done my homework I'd much rather leave now than suffer in class.

--MEANWHILE/SASUKE POV--

Whoever decided language was fit to be a first period is slow in the head. This early in the morning most kids barely speak English let alone something foreign. It doesn't help the German sounds so ugly. When I listen to Lehrer Asuma (1) speak it's like listening to angry sick people complain. There's too much throat and tongue involved for this to be a pretty language. It would've been nice to learn something that flowed a bit better, like Chinese maybe. But I took German as a half-assed attempt to piss Orochimaru off. Apperantly he came off bad in a battle of wits against someone in Asuma's family and it was always a sore subject for him. When freshman orientation rolled around and Orochimaru all but ran from Asuma's table I just felt compelled to take his class. As digusting as the language is I can't bring myself to hate the decision.

"Sasuke, wie gehts? Sie schauen nicht gluecklich. Warum?"(2)

"Ja...Ich bin gerade muede."(3) Asuma takes my word for it and continues teaching the class. He tries to make everything into a happy get together, like the class is a family. I'm always the one sitting out, like the forgotten cousin no one likes. I don't really mind. I get participation points taken away each time I sit out but it's preferable to the alternative. Even if I were to join in I'd still be excluded intentionaly by my peers. And pretending to be happy with all these meandering idiots would be a lie not worth keeping up.

--LINEBREAK/AUTHOR'S NOTES--

NARUTO DOES NOT FAWN OVER SAKURA. He just thinks she's pretty.

1. Lehrer male teacher. Lehrerin female teacher

2. Wie gehts What's up. (roughly) Sie schauen nicht gluecklich You don't look happy. ( the u in gluecklich should have an umlaute over it, the two dot things, you use the e after a vowel if it needs an omlaute and you don't have that key) Warum Why?

3. Ja...Ich bin gerade muede Yeah, I'm just tired. (The 'ue' in muede should be a u with an umlaute.)

I took German in school and I did like the class but the language isn't very pretty. It always sounds so angry and phlemy. I suppose if you guys want to hear some german I could put some phrases on Youtube but I won't do that unless it's requested.

I'm sorry this chapter was so short. I just wanted to get something else up. Read and Review Please. This chapter was brought to you by Vanilla coffee and sticky rice.


	12. Time

Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Must we do this every time? It's totally rubbing things in. I do NOT own Naruto or any of its characters...TT.TT

--Ahem. Usually I reply to good reviewers but I'm feeling too lazy to go back into my email and reply induvidually. So for now I'm just going to mention some people right here. First I'd like to thank **Valdas** for complimenting my German. I'm glad to know something Frau Merrill taught stuck with me. Next I'd like to thank **xshadows-r-nothingx** for the totally awesome, flattering, lengthy review. I'm touched, I mean it.

If I didn't mention you or haven't replied in the past, know that I love you regaurdless, especially you guys that review multiple times. I just forget some of the screen names. ;

Next I'd like to say that I no longer have Microsoft Word on my computer. A while back (hence the fic hiatus for a while) I got a killer kitty virus that ruined my computer. So when I finally got it all sorted out, my computer was rebooted with XP Black edition. I havn't finished exploring it but as far as I can tell there's no MW. So now I use WordPad. This has led to trouble with my typos. I don't look at the keyboard and I type too fast sometimes to catch all my mistakes. I apologise for spelling errors. And please note that some of the grammatical errors are intentional because this is suppose to be a story written based on thought process. No one -thinks- perfectly all the time.

Well...ON TO THE FIC!--

--LINE BREAK/SASUKE POV--

It's noon. According to the schedule every student is given, every year, lunch begins in exactly twelves minutes. The bell signalling lunch, programmed by an underpaid, over-worked secretary, will ring in exactly twelve minutes and fifty-four seconds. I've counted. Last year the bell was off by thirty seconds, I expect that various horrid incidents caused by students in her office is the cause of this. After all it's not -really- retaliation if it's a simple time margin error, never mind the fact that every other bell is persice to the second. But damn if I can't feel every second tick by. As I have no friends to chat away with this period, or any other period besides sixth, time moves incredibly slow.

Most days I couldn't care less about the approach of lunch. It's not as if I eat much during that time anyways. Haku offers frequently but I'm too stuborn to eat and all too happy to waste away. But today is different. Today Naruto is waiting for me somewhere in the masses. With every second that ticks by on the clock, a deafening sound beats against my ears. Every pencil tapping, every nasal giggle, every shuffled paper echos in my head like an orchestra of the mundane and fake. Everything is too vivid. Sensory overload. In eleven minutes I'm going to walk out of this room and towards my locker. In thirteen minutes and five seconds I'm going to sit against my locker and wait for Haku. And in roughly twenty minutes Haku will sit next to me.

I have to keep my mind occupied. I can't count seconds anymore, I have my time schedule down. I can't start a conversation with my classmates. I hate them and they hate me. I can't cut. Too many witnesses. Blank gazing will only earn me another trip to Kakashi, not someone I want to see right now. I'll listen to the clock. It's not counting seconds...not if I don't want it to. It's just a sound. Always steady, always even, always ticking.

--Tick--

--Tick--

--Tick--

--Tick--

--Ti--ti--tic--tick--

The bell finished ringing and the flood gates open. Every grade has the same lunch. There are twelve luch lines and a sea of students. Sometimes I stall a bit on going to my locker so I can watch them all run. It's like watching pigs run to slop. It seems like a fitting analogy. Most kids here shovel the goverment supplied "healthy", proportioned food in their mouths as quickly as possible. Flecks of cheese, gravy, and condiments splatter against their clothes and on the table tops. The girls are really no better than the guys either. They chat and chew. Hunks of undistinguishable -junk- jostle around inbetween their teeth and slide across their tongues. If you really sit and watch it can make you sick. That's one of the reasons why I sit against my locker. Less kids eat in the hallways. That means less mouths to watch, less voices to hear, less insults to ignore, less to hide from.

Ah...fourteen minutes. I walked slowly today. And Haku's already there. That's new, he must not have gone to his locker first. No point looking a gift horse in the mouth. "Haku, I need to ask you a favor."

"Sure thing starshine." I sit next to him and draw my knees to my chest.

"First, don't call me that in public. Second...someone's coming to meet me soon. I need you to hate him. Try Haku, try to hate him. It'll make things easier." I look directly into his eyes when I ask. His eyes look so soft, I still don't know how he can hide things in them. But that doesn't matter right now. He's not hiding his reaction on the rest of his face. He doesn't want to do this for me...

"Sasuke...I...I won't call you starshine in public, that I can do for you. But Sasuke, you should not take hate lightly. Asking me to hate someone -for- you isn't something that will benefit anyone, no matter how much you want to believe it will." No, no, it'll help. If you hate him Haku so will I. I won't give him a second thought if you hate him. But that's it isn't it. You don't want to decide for me...you've never wanted to decide anything -for- me.

"How is it that you can be so damn accommodating and insubordinate at the same time?" He smiles and his eyes glow, just like mom when she smiled. Very pretty...

"No swearing Sasuke, we're on school grounds."

"Hn."

"Your vocabulary is awesome Sasuke." And here he is. Naruto is definatly the kind to run out of the classroom door the minute the bell sounds. I wonder if he packs his lunch or runs to vending machines. "Well I already know Haku...kinda...he's in my history class. But where's this Zabuza friend of yours?"

"He's not a student here Naruto. So you're the boy meeting Sasuke today?"

"Yup!" He plops down rather ungracefully facing us in the middle of the hallway. He's rubbing the back of his head and his eyes are squinting. Nevrvous twitch perhaps? "Sasuke said if you and Zabuza approve of me he'll be my friend. I'm really excited. I want to be your friend Sasuke!"

"Hn." I bury my head inbetween my knees and try to ignore him. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll take offense.

"My approval? Hm...well I see no problem with you being Sasuke's friend."

"I hate you." I don't and I know it. He knows it too. But it still I can't help but feel a little betrayed that he didn't make it at least a little difficult for Uzumaki.

"Oh Sasuke, I'm hurt." Haku bats his eyelashes and brings a hand over his heart. Sarcasm suits him better than it should.

"Hn." I put my head back between my legs. After a moment of vaugly awkward silence Haku and Naruto start talking. Soon enough I've faded out of awareness and their blabbering is just a dull droning in my ears. Iruka packed me lunch today but I left it in the fridge. By habit I suppose. I've never really been able to look into the fridge and see food especially for me. It was a good lunch too...tomato and spinach salad, with lots of motzzerela. My stomach starts to groan just thinking about it.

"Oh! I almost forgot. Sasuke...Sasuke...Helloooo! Sasuke, Iruka-sensei gave me this in class. He said you left forgot it this morning." I look up and lower my legs. Naruto has my lunch. When I take the box I realize it's still cold. Iruka must have had it in the faculty fridge. "And he gave me this too." Naruto tosses me a can of V8 fusion. I smile, just a little. It's gone before it had time to be noticed. This is a good lunch. It's simple and home-y, something my mother would make.

"Thanks...dobe." He scratches the back of his neck and smiles. One...two...three. His face turns red.

"Hey! Teme! I could've dumped your lunch in the trash after he gave it to me!"

"But you didn't." I start eating and out of the corner of my eye I can see Naruto huffing and picking at his own lunch. School issued chicken and cheese sandwhich with tator-tots...gross. I look up at Haku after taking a bit of my salad. His face is lit with a warm smile. Damn...Uzumaki what are you doing?

--LINE BREAK/AUTHOR'S NOTES--

Short I know, I'm sorry. School starts on the 18th for me. I'll be a senior in high school this year.

I actually do find it gross to just watch people eat, and it's way way too loud in the cafeteria. So I eat at my locker with my friend. Yes...friend singular. And she has a habit of running to the library and various other places during lunch, so it's not uncommon for me to eat alone.

Well...the next chapter will bring Zabuza. This chapter was brought to you by mashed potato's and milk. R&R please.


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